...We All Fall Down

It is my first reaction to rant and rave in this particular blog about people who rant and rave in their blogs.  However, such behavior would only prove hypocritical and defeat the purpose.
Therefore I will just say this:
You have missed the mark. Once again. You have completely missed the mark.  You continue to seek affirmation, strength, and consolation from another human, instead of seeking God.   If this was a "test," then you would have failed miserably.
And as for you being "depressed, angry, hurt, having mental "break downs" and not eating" I can only count us equally distressed by the other.

Quote of the Month

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Like a Broken Record

This is on permanent replay.
The same mistakes keep recurring. Over and over again like a broken record.
The needle skips each time it touches upon the warped plastic.  And the same three words to the chorus of what had once been a pleasant song are being successively repeated without end. Such repetition has begun to cause the song's beauty to fade. In fact, it has become an utter annoyance to listen to.  Ears are surely bleeding and longing for this racket to cease.

Unfortunately, records are incapable of repairing themselves.

There are a Select Few People I Can Trust; I Call Them Corpses

"Please tell me that you'll be here
Right by my side
Through the night and fires...

Because these years have grown so very long
And I'm so tired

I could've sworn I saw the end coming so many times
But it was just another bend in the road

Number me with the weary
Is it so shameful to become exhausted?
More faithful companions I have not found than here
Who bear all and walk together

Especially He, who has already walked this road
Alone."
Borrowed from Johnathans page. Not sure if he wrote it or if he, too, is borrowing it.  Its not a very accurate description of how I currently feel (I'm more a shade of mischief at the moment), but it is how I have felt at times.  And it also reminds me of him very much. So it serves to quench.

When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer

When I heard the learn'd astronomer, When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me, When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them, When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room, How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick, Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself, In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time, Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

Walt Whitma

Treasure in My Chest or Bullet in My Chest? Ahhh... What's the Difference?

Since when does deceit come in the form of an atmosphere complete with its very own weather system and noxious gases?
If all that glisters is not gold, then I'm hoping all who lie are not liars.  Unfortunately, we shall see.
Alas, calm seas don't make sailors...

Night of the Living Survey

1. You're in the hospital, who on your top 8 comes to visit you?
Hopefully Jim (if his mom lets him :P) and maybe Becky. It depends on how serious my reason for hospitalization is lol. Cause if I'm like dyin then I'd hope a few others would show!

2. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
I'd jump up and down with glee! Bring back bootlegging with the mobsters and their tommy guns!  Maybe we could all dress like flappers and the guys could all wear sweet fedoras! woot! I'm psyched!

3. your cd collection is repossessed but you may keep one..what?
hmmm tough call. Further Seems Forever's Hide Nothing is a favorite

4. Do you believe world peace is possible?
Sure. Every human being on the planet needs to die... and then the world will have peace.

5. I'm a genie. Name your wish.
I wish I could speak 3 languages.

6. Name one thing about the opposite sex that automatically turns you off?
I'm turned off by guys that arent Jim Madden.
7. Name one thing about the opposite sex that automatically turns you on?
I'm automatically turned on by Jim Madden.

8. Speaking of same sex, what did you think about Brokeback Mountain?
Who was speaking of the same sex? Did I miss something?!

9. What are you obsessive about?
My shampoo and conditioner. If I dont have the right kind, then I cant take a shower.  No exceptions.

10. What phone service do you have?
AT&T

11. Do people underestimate you?
I'm pretty sure Prof. Wagner does... but thats cause she underestimates all Americans born in America.

12. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
Falling asleep to an old movie.

13. Do you talk about myspace in real life?
Of course. Its how I decide if people are still alive or not. Like, "Hey, Bob isnt on myspace anymore... did he die?"  lol no

14. Have you met someone online in person?
Yeah... two or three people actually. Wow. I'm a loser.

15. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of the school year?
Hopefully I'll only have one more semester left by the time summer comes.

16. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
Of course.  By about $20, at least. No joke.

17. What is irritating you right now?
The thought of having to do homework. ACK. And that I cant see Jim :*(

18. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing.
What does it mean to be "deep" in beers? I drank ten beers?  I'd probably be puking. And falling asleep. Alcohol makes me sleepy.

19. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
Thats not possible. You cant be the same person around you're boss as you are around your friends... thats just not real.

20. Last thing you said about a guy/ girl?
I told Juliann that some dude was ugly, jus not as ugly as he use to be.

21. What is the most ridiculous fear you have?
Drowning in the tsunami thats suppose to hit the east cost when the side of a mountain across the atlantic falls.  Hey!  The Discovery Channel doesnt make it sound too ridiculous!

22. Do you know anyone in prison?
Not that I'm aware of...

23. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly?
wow months. maybe even a year!

24. When did you last have a home cooked meal?
My mom cooks dinner every night... I just dont usually eat it. Too fattening.

25. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Uh no lol. Unless you consider taking a shower to be a party! Woot!

26. Name who you miss.
Jim :*(

27. Are you named after a grandparent?
No. Technically I'm named after my dad... weird.... I know.

28. Who loves you?
Jesus

29. Do you throw up gang signs?
Like puke them into the toilet?

30. Have you ever broken a rib?
Eek no.

31. Last song you heard?
You are my sunshine... some commercial on tv. If you can call Sky Angel tv

32. What was the last thing you ate?
A devils food cake donut. Yeah. Fat.

33. How do you feel RIGHT now?
Well i have a LOT of homework to do... I havent seen Jim since yesterday... and I ate the house today. So right now I feel lazy, sad, and fat. Ugh. Ick . Ack. I died.

34. Did you go anywhere today?
Five Below and M&G with Jimmy.  Rose's with Mia.

35. Whats your hair like?
Longer, brown... recently cut :)  Angled and layered.

36. Would you ever work for border patrol?
Not unless I get paid a six figures. THen maybe I would.

37. What car were you in last?
My car. Toyota yaris. Barcelona red :P haha I just like saying that. Barcelona Red.

38. what color are your toes?
uh what?

Yeah thats enough of this survey...
I cut it 50 questions short.

I'm Good

Everythings good. No more heartache, I suppose.  Another chapter of life closed. Many more yet to open

Unspecial

I feel like a liar. Or perhaps a hypocrite?
Maybe if more time had gone by. Maybe if I had been alone for a year or two. Just by myself. Maybe then it would feel more authentic.
I know its not fake. Yet somehow I feel as though its not fair to you...

Logistics

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.-CS Lewis

Shiny, Happy Sunday

Sitting here. Happy. Playing with a Maltese.  Happy.  Waiting for my darling to arrive home from work.  Very happy.

Hi, Honey, I'm Home!

"Jamie, you're the most undomesticated girl I've ever met.  It's really very sad."
-as quoted directly from the mouth of my father.
After watching my sorry attempt at making pancakes this morning, he was rather disappointed, disheartened, and despicably living in another time period, apparently.  Last time I checked it was 2007 and women weren't still required to slave over a hot oven and clean up after their husbands.  Although he's quite right concerning my lack, I fail to find the sadness in it.
I take pride in my ignorance concerning housekeeping and good housewife etiquette.  I don't cook or clean, nevertheless, I'm confident that my husband will be right proud of me. No doubt :)

Jerks Urban Nightmare

It was a long night full of salt-rimmed glasses and half-priced appetizers.  But when I arrived home at one a.m. I still had enough vigor to walk right back out again.  Vigor turned into bravado.  Bravado turned into text messaging.  And text messaging turned into an even longer night of brash folly…

I cautiously crept down the street, counting lampposts and praying that no one would see me; at the very least, that no one would recognize me.  I was dodging more than just rabbits as I tip-toed through the suburban grass. 

Ours is a neighborhood that never sleeps... there's always one eye watching, if not, two ears listening for the sound of secrets being whispered in the shadows.  Lucky for me, sneaky argyle barely makes a sound and shadow's cast by campfire muffle even the loudest of whispers. 

As he spoke and drank, I listened and realized the irony of this meeting: somehow I knew his motive for inviting me better than I knew my motive for attending.  And I wasn't quite sure which was worse.

Nevertheless, the wind was very strong.  It rustled the leaves on the trees.  It scattered the embers from the fire.  It whisked me up a flight of stairs and into his brother's bedroom.

We layed and laughed at the dragon posters lit up by black lights.

It was a rather sorry waste of time.  A battle of wits.  His wit wanting to ruin me and my wit wanting to change him.  An awefully sorry waste of time...

The Hoard Demo by As Cities Burn

They say that good boys walk straight on white lines. Good boys keep their livers clean and smoke out of their lungs cause its all about what you've done. Good boys don't make mistakes to learn from cause when heaven comes they won't be caught being young.

Grace make your way to the well; to those who deserve it cause, after all, they've earned it.  But, vain; its in vain
cause they don't need it.

They're steady breathers who won't lift a finger for the gasping weaker.  You just hoard your hollow completion like it's something wearing thin, _{like it's gonna get you in} when heaven comes. Cause when heaven comes I swear it comes in love.

Grace make your way. 

Happenstance Still Stands

I most assuredly never fathomed being where I am today, therefore I cannot pretend to even slightly know where it is I will be tomorrow.  Uncertainty is the spice of life... as are unexplicable desires that only He can give you.
And thus, in the spirit of letting God lead us where He may, I am proposing a toast to all that is atypical, unexpected, and bizarre in this brief life!  To things that come suddenly and unheralded; hastily and unanticipated.  It is these anamolous events and twists of fate that we should embrace! For they are not as perplexing as they appear, nor are they as accidental as we may think.  Does He not know the plans He has for you?



And so I leave you with this dose of Chariot wisdom:
Some day in the event that man kind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them. Selah.

His will, not mine.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Its Better if You Lead the Way. You Know Me Better Than I Do.

Rejoicing in God's awesome faithfulness! His will be done, not mine.  How can I be upset when this is exactly what I prayed for?  Instead of mourning over what was not suppose to be, I am looking forward to the great things God has in store for me; that which is suppose to be. Its definitely exciting, and slightly relieving, knowing that He has it all under control.  I just thank God that He is able to save me even from myself and prevent mistakes from being made before its too late.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11



...and Jesus made me promise not to say another word about it.