I'd experience more reciprocity loving a pile of shit than I do loving you

And that about sums it up.

Random Thoughts: Mar. '08 to Sept. '08

9/9/08 -"...so close that your hand on my chest is my hand; so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep." How does one keep the past in the past, but still cling enough to history as not to let it repeat its self?

8/22/08 -Lest we forget the summer's biggest absurdity: "Jamie thinks that people who live in TR and vacation on LBI for a week are bennies of the worst kind. Go on a real vacation, loser(s)!"

6/17/08 -If the definition of beautiful gets any thinner, no one will fit. Now there's a pocket full of unshine for you.

5/16/08 -Summer jobs are nothing more than a time sale. For instance, I sold 9 hours of my life to Ron Jon's today. At least when I graduate I can sell my time AND my skill to an establishment.

5/4/08 -The first day after the last day of class can only be likened to the first gasp for air one takes upon reaching the water's surface before nearly drowning.

3/25/08 -A dose of The Chariot's wisdom: Some day in the event that man kind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them. Sometimes this includes me.

Play Crack the Sky by Brand New

Sent out an SOS call
It was a quarter past four in the morning
When the storm broke our second anchor line
Four months at sea
Four months of calm seas
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point

They call them rogues
They travel fast and alone
One-hundred-foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong
What they call love is risk
'Cause you always get hit out of nowhere
By some wave and end up on your own

The hole in the hull defied the crew's attempt
To bail us out
Flooded the engines and radio
Half-buried bow

Your tongue is a rudder
It steers the whole ship
Sends your words past your lips
Keeps them safe behind your teeth
But the wrong will strand you
Come off course while you sleep
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef

The vessel groans
The ocean pressures its frame
To the port I see the lighthouse
Through the sleet and the rain
And I wish for one more day
To give my love and repay debts
The morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship
Through still and storm
But this ain't the Dakota
And the water's cold
Won't have to fight for long

(This is the end)
This story's old but it goes
On and on until we disappear
(This is the calm)
Calm me and let me taste the
Salt you breathed while you were underneath
(We are drowning)
I am the one who haunts your
Dreams of mountains sunk below the sea
(After the storm)
I spoke the words but never
Gave a thought to what they all could mean
(Rest in the deep)
I know that this is what you want
A funeral keeps both of us apart
(Washed up on the beach)
You know that you are not alone
I need you like water in my lungs
(This is the end)
This story's old but it goes
On and on until we disappear
(This is the calm)
Calm me and let me taste
The salt you breathed while you were underneath
(We are breathless)
I am the one who haunts your
Dreams of mountains sunk below the sea
(After the storm)
I spoke the words but never
Gave a thought to what they all could mean
(Rest in the deep)
I know that this is what you want
A funeral keeps both of us apart
(Washed up on the beach)
You know that you are not alone
I need you like water in my lungs
(This is the end)

"Sick Cycle Carousel" or "I've Lost My Spine, I've Got My Orange Crush"

You speak only with indifferent yes's and emotionless no's through your cold phone. I imagine that, as I talk, you roll your eyes so your cousin can see. Make me look the fool.

I can no longer bear the thought of it. My eyes only swell with tears these days.
I refuse to let them cry even one more time.
This is just another instance of your selfishness. Just another action that screams loudly of your disaffection for and irritaion with me. I've come to feel more like a heavy burden than a loved girlfriend.
Whats worse is that, somehow, I'll be the one to apologize for this. Somehow you'll manipulate me into thinking its my fault you act this way.
I hate to admit defeat, but I don't even have the energy left to get angry or the fight in me to defend myself. All I can seem to feel is crushed and all I can seem to do is let myself be crushed.
Its all just perpetual crush.

Satisfaction is Never Guaranteed

Its a sad sad day when you come to realize that you actually have to convince the person closest to you that he should want to spend time with you.
Its an even sadder day when you come to realize that the person closest to you is actually trying to convince you that he spends more than enough time with you.
The saddest day of all, however, is when you cease caring about either of these things and begin entertaining the idea of having someone totally different.

Moroccan Cedar

Ah yes. What a wonderful scent.  It reminds me of men. Man. Mostly Jim.  When I smell it, I think of all that is masculine or, at the very least, all that I perceive to be masculine.  Funny how life is made up entirely of human perception.  For instance, I perceive Jim to be masculine, in love with me, and in a perpetual state of ignorance concerning all other females in existance. My perception is obviously flawed.
Enough about our faulty senses.
Instead, let us analyze why it may be slightly unsettling when the topic of Jim's ex-girlfriends arises... whether in conversation annually or in my thoughts daily.  To begin with, there is a particular ex that he recently confirmed as still being very attractive.  Oh well.  At least he was honest, right?  The only problem with this scenario is that she took part in the relationship that ended on account of "distance."  They ended it because each was attending college.. not because they were incompatible or because of cheating or because they hated eachother.  No.  They seperated unwillingly.  The worst kind of break up... at least in the book of a current girlfriend.  As far as I know, they have not communicated for 4 years... so I should have no reason to suspect a re-occurence.  Yeah.  As far as I know.
The second ex I find to be leaving a sour taste in my mouth was never a true "ex" in that they never officially dated.  Even worse than the first, this ex has been deeply involved in a slew of very offensive and disrespectful incidents that have taken place over the course of our relationship.  Though there are too many to list, the most recent incident involved her bad-mouthing me to Jim's best friend.  Luckily, some aim status magic was performed and she blocked Jim... nevertheless, I can't help but think she'll once again weasel her way into the picture down the road.  As far as I know, Jim hasn't spoken with her since the bitter beginning of our relationship.
Again... thats just as far as I know.
Somehow, though, I never seem to know enough.

"Too Stupid to Live" or "Only Morons Live in Toms River and Work Summer Jobs ON lbi"

It is evident by your word choice in referring to Long Beach Island that you are not a local or even a mildly educated human being .  As stated by it's name, it is an island.  Therefore, you cannot be in it.  It is incorrect to say that you are "in LBI today."  The grammatically correct phrase is "on LBI."  It is not a state or a city or even a town.  You cannot physically or grammatically be in LBI.  Now if you were to say "in Surf City" or "in Ship Bottom," both towns on the island, then that would be correct.
So go back to scooping your ice cream.  Or, better yet, just get off the Island you're ON cause no one wants you there.