Moroccan Cedar

Ah yes. What a wonderful scent.  It reminds me of men. Man. Mostly Jim.  When I smell it, I think of all that is masculine or, at the very least, all that I perceive to be masculine.  Funny how life is made up entirely of human perception.  For instance, I perceive Jim to be masculine, in love with me, and in a perpetual state of ignorance concerning all other females in existance. My perception is obviously flawed.
Enough about our faulty senses.
Instead, let us analyze why it may be slightly unsettling when the topic of Jim's ex-girlfriends arises... whether in conversation annually or in my thoughts daily.  To begin with, there is a particular ex that he recently confirmed as still being very attractive.  Oh well.  At least he was honest, right?  The only problem with this scenario is that she took part in the relationship that ended on account of "distance."  They ended it because each was attending college.. not because they were incompatible or because of cheating or because they hated eachother.  No.  They seperated unwillingly.  The worst kind of break up... at least in the book of a current girlfriend.  As far as I know, they have not communicated for 4 years... so I should have no reason to suspect a re-occurence.  Yeah.  As far as I know.
The second ex I find to be leaving a sour taste in my mouth was never a true "ex" in that they never officially dated.  Even worse than the first, this ex has been deeply involved in a slew of very offensive and disrespectful incidents that have taken place over the course of our relationship.  Though there are too many to list, the most recent incident involved her bad-mouthing me to Jim's best friend.  Luckily, some aim status magic was performed and she blocked Jim... nevertheless, I can't help but think she'll once again weasel her way into the picture down the road.  As far as I know, Jim hasn't spoken with her since the bitter beginning of our relationship.
Again... thats just as far as I know.
Somehow, though, I never seem to know enough.

"Too Stupid to Live" or "Only Morons Live in Toms River and Work Summer Jobs ON lbi"

It is evident by your word choice in referring to Long Beach Island that you are not a local or even a mildly educated human being .  As stated by it's name, it is an island.  Therefore, you cannot be in it.  It is incorrect to say that you are "in LBI today."  The grammatically correct phrase is "on LBI."  It is not a state or a city or even a town.  You cannot physically or grammatically be in LBI.  Now if you were to say "in Surf City" or "in Ship Bottom," both towns on the island, then that would be correct.
So go back to scooping your ice cream.  Or, better yet, just get off the Island you're ON cause no one wants you there.

A Box of Crayons

Red- The color of my uniform at Ron Jon's, my place of summer employment.  Good times include folding sweatshirts with the aid of a special folding board and assisting rich old men as they decide which hawaiin shirt to buy for their cruise.
Orange- Two of the three days a week that I have off are consumed by Shakespeare and Grammar courses.  Neither of which can be appreciated in a mere 5 weeks time.
Yellow- I passed the english content knowledge Praxis II test.  My score was high enough to have a low GPA and still be certified to teach in NJ.  In other words, I did well.
Green- Jim and I will have been dating for an entire year in less than a month.  For some reason, though, its been very difficult lately.
Blue- Pool Blue, that is.  The color of my dress.  My services as a maid of honor in Rebecca's wedding will be used this June.  Should be good times.
Purple- I've decided to start studying for the LSAT.  Law school may loom ahead depending on how well I do on the test...  and of course it also depends on being accepted into a school.
Black- I hate Halo 3.  Its all Jim thinks about and talks about.  Such a waste of time.  I wish he'd take an interest in classic literature.  Maybe pick up a copy of War and Peace or something...
White- The color of my skin since I have yet to visit the beach.  I'd rather be pennyless and get a nice tan than have all the money Ron Jon's can offer me in one summer and be translucent. I miss the beach :-(

Random Thoughts: Feb. '08 to Mar. '08

Random Thoughts (Feb.08 to Mar. 08)
Category: Writing and Poetry

3/25/08 -A dose of The Chariot's wisdom: Some day in the event that man kind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them. Sometimes this includes me.


3/8/08 -"Even artichokes have hearts. Even needles have eyes." Does anyone ever get what they really want? Or is that just another unreal life expectation that Disney planted in my brain when I was a naive youth?


2/22/08 -"Three cheers for the end of 21 years and nothing else is going wrong." (Showbread's 'OH! Emetophobia). I don't think people miss summer as much as they claim to. I think they just hate paying for a tan.


2/16/08 -Is it just me or do good looking people have the ugliest offspring? I fear Jim and I are in danger of having little Grendels running around one day :P


2/9/08 -Thomas Hardy must have been referring to a certain slugly ut when he wrote: "The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing alive enough to have strength to die."


2/7/08 -If emotions were an organ, I'd have mine removed; like wisdom teeth. But, instead of losing wisdom, I'd gain it.


2/3/08 -Lie to me. I promise I'll believe.


1/21/08 -If your boyfriend is trying to show off for your 14 year old cousin, does that make your boyfriend 14 years old?

Me and You and You and Me

The Master Speed
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still–
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.
--Robert Frost

The Truth According to Emily

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant--
Sucess in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind--
(Emily Dickinson)
Sugar coat the truth lest it serve to slap faces... what a very familiar and successful concept.  However, I believe it is a technique Dickinson advises the teller of harsh truth to use, not the hearer.  Too often people hear what they want to hear, effectually causing them to create fantastical scenarios that never fail to favor themselves.  Disappointment is inevitable... and rightfully so!  Knowing that people practice such sweet censorship makes one wonder why the first party need go through the trouble of telling with ’explanation kind’ in the first place...?
A close friend recently noticed a mountainous structure of falsities silently being formed upon the mere fact that I exist.  Just as I was about to deny all accusations of telling slant truths and speaking indirectly through circuits, she quickly noted that my name is not Emily Dickinson.  I am of the school of blunt truth.  I have, in no way, fueled the fire nor have I given hope to the hopeless.  She rightfully declared that I am not to blame.
The moral here is that people will hear what they want to hear regardless of how bluntly or, conversely, how evasively you tell them the truth.  When a person sugar-coats the already sugar-coated words of another, what do they get?  More sugar than pecan... or... more fiction than fact.  And we all know that an over-abundance of sugar leads to cavities and decay.  At this point, the hearer is so far removed from the truth that he begins to believe the lie.
Its just a vicious candy assembly line, really.  Only, the center is not filled with nut or nougat, but nose nipping, heart hurting, ass biting truth.
On a similar, yet completely different, note...No matter WHAT you do, someone will ALWAYS be able to find fault in it.  You can tell a girl she looks pretty or you can keep silent.  If you say the former, she is liable to bite back with "And do I not look pretty every other day?"  Yet, if you opt for the latter, she is bound to inquire, "Do you think me not pretty today?"  Either way, you’re completely trapped.
And on an even less irrelevant and completely reiterated note...
People have got to stop fashioning realities from figments.
It cannot possibly get any less irrelevant than that.

One Man's Trash is Another Man's Blog

It's much too simple to say that I'm paranoid.  I prefer to classify it as an overactive imagination.  Or possibly an overly analytical mind? I can't decide if the scenarios I concoct ad absurdum are false figments intricately woven from thin air or hidden truths that I so cleverly reveal to myself through a process of complex pondering.  Either way, my musings are slowly draining the sanity out of me.
For instance, as I sit here typing this I see that today my blog has been viewed 17 times.  Thats about 17 times more than the amount of views received in the past 17 months.  Normally, I wouldn't give erratic view counts a second glance. But my paranoia tells me to do otherwise.
I can't help but think that the spike in views is a direct correlation to a certain ex-gf suddenly deciding to limit her facebook access and block all non-buddies from contacting her. Don't misunderstand. I am not stalking this poor girl.  These are just the things a current girlfriend notices about her boyfriend's old flame(s)... especially a former flame that has, on numerous occasions, completely disrespected the current girlfriend by coming onto her boyfriend.
Alas, it must be paranoia. There is no way for her to know that I had viewed her facebook in passing or that I had viewed her aim profile when signing onto Jim's retired screen name. Right?
No, I'm not crazy.
Yes, I have better things to do than just sit here and think about completely useless could-be scenarios