"Sick Cycle Carousel" or "I've Lost My Spine, I've Got My Orange Crush"

You speak only with indifferent yes's and emotionless no's through your cold phone. I imagine that, as I talk, you roll your eyes so your cousin can see. Make me look the fool.

I can no longer bear the thought of it. My eyes only swell with tears these days.
I refuse to let them cry even one more time.
This is just another instance of your selfishness. Just another action that screams loudly of your disaffection for and irritaion with me. I've come to feel more like a heavy burden than a loved girlfriend.
Whats worse is that, somehow, I'll be the one to apologize for this. Somehow you'll manipulate me into thinking its my fault you act this way.
I hate to admit defeat, but I don't even have the energy left to get angry or the fight in me to defend myself. All I can seem to feel is crushed and all I can seem to do is let myself be crushed.
Its all just perpetual crush.